You keep what you kill

Our last two days will be spent, again, in Singapore. Which means food, food, food for me. ☺ On Thursday we drove to Auckland, stopping for ice-cream (surprise, eh?) and a nice lunch at The Farmer's Cafe (or similar) at Papamoa. Then on to the big smoke, chilling out in the domain in the afternoon until it was time to head over to One Tree Grill restaurant for our last dinner ritual. We'd dined there before, I think two years ago, and were very much looking forward to it. Unfortunately, we left quite disappointed. Service was extremely slow, the food was good, but not exceptional. It took so long that we didn't have time for dessert since we had to catch our flight. Very disappointing, will never come back. A pity, really. Maybe we were sidelined because we didn't order any wine, it had the feel like it's become one of those places. They should stop selling food and open a wine boutique then. Whatever, we had a fantastic and very relaxing flight to Singapore thanks...

I finally found out how I want to die. For many years, I thought it would have something to do with football and Werder Bremen. But football has become more and more boring over the past 10 years or so, there's not much love lost anymore. So how do I want to die? Easy. I want to OD on Ohiwa Macadamias' ice cream. It's the bestest in the world. And I'm addicted. I can't live without it anymore. Seriously, it's sooooooooooooooooo good, there are no words to describe the taste and the texture ahhhhhhhhhhh.

The whole concept of Islamic suicide attacks has always been a mystery to me. Why would you need 72 virgins? Just imagine, 72 women constantly around you, I bet you'd wish for your suicide vest rather sooner than later. Anyway, it's all useless rubbish, because you don't need to commit suicide by killing kaffirs, all you need to do is come to Ohope Beach. No killing, no religious bullshit, and probably very little virgins. But 11 km of beautiful, perfect beach, great surf, wonderful walking tracks, fantastic ice cream, fruit, and veggies and practically noone around. We're here for the third time now, this time we're staying at Surf's Reach Motel, which is right on the Westend part of the beach, where the waves are best. Spacious, clean, and comfortable rooms, this is pretty close to perfection. (please install fly screens, will ya?) ☺ It's super quiet too, only waves and birds to be heard. We've come to love these family run, non-chain motels, which are...

I've eaten so much ice-cream over the past few days, I'm completely brain washed. I want to stay there, please keep me as your pet, all I need is my daily dose of ice cream! Please!

Right. Nuff said. Especially real fruit ice-cream. Something that is unfortunately (or luckily?) only found in NZ. Best in the world. I must have tons of it. Each day, every day. All day long. Can't stop, won't stop. Found a place called Berryland just outside Nelson on SH60 towards Motueka. Wonderful. And they had tons of fresh berries and cherries, too. Having finished the Nydia Track, we picked up our car in Havelock and had lunch at the Slip Inn Cafe, which is, I hate to report, only average. And overpriced. Not outright bad, but just average. But very friendly service and a great location on the marina. I'd managed to find a bed for us in a B&B in Motueka last minute, just a brief stopover to shower, fill up on food and water before we hopped onto the earliest water taxi in Marahau this morning. Again, hate to say it, but the Hooked Cafe in Marahau is only average, too. But the sandwiches /rolls looked really fresh and great, didn't try them though. We got dro...

You might wonder, what the fuck are they doing in the Abel Tasman? We've been trying hard to secure a date with Nelson Lakes National Park, especially with the Angelus Hut, but the forecast for the last ten days was mainly shit. So we kinda circled the park, but whenever we checked, the weather in the park wasn't too good. So we did all those other fantastic stuff, the Kaikoura Coast Track, the Nydia Track, and now Abel Tasman. Nelson Lakes will just have to wait till next time. Please don't run away, ya hear me? Ah, and one other thing. I have received one complaint that I'm using too many fucking expletives. Well, this is my fucking blog and if you don't fucking like it take your fucking arse elsewhere and fuck off. We good? We better be. Took me a long time to make my autocompletion finally accept all these words. ☺ Cheerio!

Best forecast ever. And so damn accurate.

Seriously, this is funny. Fuck the taxman!

So hieß ja mal eine eher weniger glückliche Politik unserer Nachbarn von der Insel. Aber man kann das auch positiv verstehen. After making the Reisebegleitung extremely happy by driving to Ohau point where she could watch baby seals play around, we set out on a two day hike across private land south of Kaikoura, the Kaikoura Coast Track. Just one word: magnificent. It's across two working farms, parts of which are dedicated to pine forest, other parts to regenerating bush under the QEII scheme. Accommodation is in cottages on the farms and it was perfect from A-Z. Super friendly people who are happy to share their knowledge of the area with us, great facilities, and of course a great track. ☺ Gorgeous coastal views of both the Kaikoura and the Banks Peninsula, dolphins in the water close to the beach, heaps of birds, no sandflies. We also tried some of the eateries in Kaikoura and Hislops Cafe is definitely the top recommendation. Great food, they even do Kimchi, which ...

Du warst die Brücke zwischen Ost und West. Du hast uns Westlern gezeigt, wie die Ostler sind. Du warst der erste Ostler, den ich im Fernsehen sah und tatsächlich sind alle Ostler so wie du. Bis auf die Nazis. Für die du nichts kannst. Du hast Hits wie "Spreewaldgurke" und "Zuppel - Zappel" geschrieben, du warst der Großmeister der Ost-Unterhaltung. Ich wollte immer so eine Frisur haben als wies du sie hattest, aber Bullensperma und so. R.I.P. Achim Mentzel. You will be missed.

We spent the first two days after landing at Waipu Cove, lovely beaches! We headed further north and stayed in a bay close to Russell next, had lots of fun sailing the bay of islands on a small racing boat, excellent lunch included. Thank you very much, oh crew of the "Phantom". ☺ On the 31st we headed out onto the Cape Brett track from Rawhiti, a lovely walk, lots of ups and downs, great coastal views and a beautiful lighthouse with a nice hut at the end. The plan was to stay the night at the hut and catch a water taxi back the next day. Unfortunately, the weather had other plans. Wind started to rise to gales in the afternoon and torrential rain set in early evening. Very cosy in the hut, couldn't get much sleep though cuz the wind was rattling the exposed building quite a bit. Sleep is overrated anyway. Next morning, we took off at 7am and soon found out that there would be no pick up. I strongly suspect because it was new year's day, not because of the sea, which ...

I mean, this is crazy. I'm of course happy for my homies from g-town that they're selling internationally but seriously, anybody buying water for this price? Crazy motherfuckers. @Kerikeri new world supermarket.

Dear reader, I don't know whether you remember my post from a few years back, when we encountered the tree masturbating hippie women? Anyway, we've had an even more interesting encounter two days ago while hiking in the beautiful Puketi forest. We came to a huge clearing and there was a herd of bulls and the secret of one of the greatest commercial successes of all times was revealed to me. You probably all think that the big economic factors for NZ are dairy and tourism? Yes, they are important, but the biggest moneymaker is something else, something that's kept very secret. They even sank a ship in the 80s and blamed it on the French too keep the secret, so this post is not without its dangers, but I feel compelled to report the truth. So back to this fairytale glade in the magical forest, but without the fairies, just bulls. I'll try to be as blunt and short as possible. It is well known that some people believe that powder from bull horns is an aphrodisiac. What is...