Masturbating eco sluts

Well, so we were walking down Mt John through a forest consisting mainly of fir trees. I think,  at least the branches had needles.  :-)  when, all of a sudden we stumbled upon two girls softly and rhythmically stroking such a fir branch. I tell you, this looked really bizarre and crazy, and the first and only thing that came to my twisted little mind was: they are jerking off the tree! And they looked the part as well, would have fit neatly into certain parts of Berlin, were probably from Schwabenland anyway. We tiptoed past them, not wanting to disturb their intimate moment. It's kinda depressing though that whenever you meet real weirdos while traveling they are almost always from Germany. More of that later.

Close to Geraldine is the magnificent Peel forest,  named after the great radio dj. It came to pass that we were walking through this forest when the reisebegleitung had to grip a tree in order to avoid an intimate moment with the extremely muddy ground. Alas, the tree was covered with a whiteish slimy gooey substance and she squeaked in horror. I looked around and immediately saw the culprits sitting in the trees: sweet little squirrels busy masturbating at an astonishing frequency. You know what they say about ants being able to carry x times their own weight and all that? I could come up with a very disgusting analogy here but I'll leave it to your imagination. You are saying that there are no squirrels in New Zealand? What The fuck do I care, I'm not a zoologist, just an It slut. :-)

In beautiful Geraldine we stayed at the very nice Raewhiti house, very clean, very friendly, no towels. I love Geraldine because there's so much great food and produce to be had. And of course the excellent superb lovely Café Verde, which we visited for breakfast on the reisebegleitung's birthday. Scones fresh from the oven, bliss!

The only bad thing about our stay there were the other Germans in the hostel. We were sitting in the lounge area, planning our next day when a couple sat down at the dinner table and .... . No they did not Masturbate, that would have been extremely funny and disgusting. But what they did is closely related to masturbation. They fucking prayed before eating. How fucking unbelievably silly stupid fucked up is that? Was für arme Opfer. I mean, I being religious is always a sign of low intelligence, but hey, they're German, so they are stupid anyway. But seriously, end twenties birkenstock wearing Christians is more than pathetic. It's disgusting. It's embarrassing. They should all be taken out and shot. You have to kill em while their young before they can do more damage. But these three apparently unrelated events sum up fine what Germans are all about these days: birkenstock wearing eco wankers praying in the woods, molesting innocent trees and squirrels because they can't get off on each other like normal folks do. 1,2,3,4 -  I don't like you.

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